Flawless

People tell me I'm a genius, smart, talented. There's a boy who once, twice, asked me, "How is your life so well put together? How are you so perfect?"
Straight A's, 4.0 GPA, Carnegie Hall, Lincoln Center...black and white keys that swim in front of my eyes...

I feel like a girl who's melting, with rough edges, sticky edges, and tiny cracks all the way through, a perfection-shaped blob.

Keeping my distance so people only see the person who's a genius, with that 4.0, with that piano. So I can hear their praise, so the boy with star-filled eyes can look at me and wonder how I've built myself so well.

Why am I like this? The girl in the mirror smiles, like she's been trained to do.

"You. You made me like this~"

I'd Do It All Again

You know that Fall Out Boy song? The Kids Aren't Alright?

And in the end

I'd do it all again

I think you're my best friend

I think you're my best friend.

I think you're my best friend.

I still do.

Do you know who you are? If you ever read this again, would you know? You know, I don't have a best friend anymore. No one's filled that hole.

I'm fine with that, I really am. Instead of one best friend, I have three, and many more who are close. But no matter how hard you try to fill one person-shaped hole with three people, you're still going to have gaps. Gaps those other friends can't reach.

You know, I'm over it. I understand completely. I understand what I did wrong, and I swear I'll never treat another friend the same again. I'm changed. I won't ever let myself fall into the pit I did when you were there.

I only keep writing this in the hope that you might remember this exists and look at it one day. Maybe you'll see that I miss you.

I miss you.

Give me another chance.